Watching your life change isn't as simple as a movie. There are no montages of significant moments, no neat plot to pull everyday experiences into a coherent order, and no one edits out the inconsequential parts of daily life.
Practically, in fact, the real growth of changing your life occurs in those inconsequential moments. I'm writing this not pretending that I have a thousand more answers this year than last, however, it would be a lie to deny that my life has changed drastically in the last year.
This time last year, I looked toward returning to Hillsdale with trepidation. Though I'd thrived academically in my first semester, I didn't feel as if I'd found my place at Hillsdale. I pushed myself to achieve as many goals as possible, but my ambitions had no direction aside from selfish ends. Though blessed with friends, I didn't feel as though I were living for a purpose.
Perhaps as a response to this feeling, I became obsessed with trying to figure out who I was as a person. My New Years Resolutions were fraught with anxiety rather than the hope of new achievement. Obsessively, I wanted to change myself for the better, without knowing what "the better" was.
Looking back, though, I see that each day that I felt this nagging sense of unease with myself was a day where I was being changed for the better. Gradually, God blessed me with a self-assurance granted through the daily works of the people in my life.
To begin, last January I joined Pi Beta Phi Women's Fraternity. I entered it in high hopes, but my understanding of the depth of meaning found within its bonds was shallow at best. Inside the doors of 304 Hillsdale Street, I found a house of women who cared about myself even when I wasn't sure who I was. My older sister, always close to me, became closer. She, and all my new sisters convinced me a of a truth I'd never encountered before: I am not perfect, but that doesn't mean I'm not worth investing time in to shape into something better. My experience in Pi Phi thus far has been a combination of that love and respect for myself as well as consistent encouragement to become a better version of myself. I've learned so many lessons through the "inconsequential times" with these women. Spiritually, I've been challenged and comforted, stretched to consider new ideas and provided with assurance of the truth. Mentally, I've learned to channel my desire for success in a direction that benefits more than myself. Personally, I've gained so many genuine friends, I can't imagine my life without them. My talents have been stretched in my leadership role, as well as in daily life. Instead of selfishly working toward my glory, I find myself incorporating the love I have for achieving a new goal with a love for helping others achieve their own goals. I can't wait for this growth to continue.
Back home, too, my ability to push myself out of a constant examination of my personhood has greatly benefited my relationship with my family. When my brother got married this summer, I finally discovered myself fitting in with the rest of the family, rather than feeling a little like a confused outsider. My connection to this odd bunch of people always seemed superficial. Now my focus centers more outside of myself, however, I see how each one of them has shaped the person I am today.
No tale of my changes is complete without a mention of my boyfriend Harris. When I met him the first time to ask him as a replacement date to Pi Phi formal, I had no idea I would find such a wonderful person and friend. Knowing him as taught me so many things, I can't even imagine the person I was before.
Alright, enough on me. I don't want to write this to gloat about how well my life is going. I am certainly not perfect and my daily life is fraught with mistakes. But as I move into this new year, I want to share the sense that I've felt powerfully in the last week: a new year truly is a new opportunity. You have no idea what may occur in your life this year. Perhaps it will change suddenly, or perhaps it will change imperceptibly. Either way, open your heart to change. Our political situation may be depressing, our economy growing slowly...in short, life may not be perfect. But the beautiful thing about having your life change is that the refining is constant. Who knows what's in store for you--or me--next.
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