Struggles

     So, this blog is supposed to be about being open. I've attempted to be funny, but I would now like to point out something I really struggle with. A lot of people hear me talk about the fact that I look like I'm twelve. Don't attempt to deny it; I really do look like a twelve year old. Over all, I try to be alright with it. But there are lots of things about looking so young that really bother me.
     First, people underestimate me from the get-go. I don't know how many times I've walked in a room and people have given me a skeptical glance. When I lifeguard, parents frequently give me the Why-is-there-a-child-in-charge? glance. When I was a debater, every tall boy we came against saw me and thought "Oh, I hope I get cross examine that girl. She'll be in tears by the time I'm done." The fact that this was a huge mistake is another story entirely. The point remains that people do underestimate me because of how young I look.
    I also hate being called cute. I'm inevitably referred to as cute. Cute is your two year old. Cute is your baby cousin. Not an eighteen year old girl. For once, I would like to be called something different. The problem, though, is that I often am so very ingracious about what's meant to be a compliment. Maybe people use the word "cute" in an entirely different sense than I take it in. Surely, my half-hearted "thank you" is in no way a sufficiently gracious reply. No wonder I come off as rude and abrasive.
   The other problem that arises from this sad fact is jealousy. I'm extremely jealous of my tall friends, my friends who look much older than they are, and basically everyone who looks their age. This is a large category of people, which leads to a large amount of jealousy. It's so far from being good.
   Whatever the above paragraphs have led you to believe about the intentions behind this post, I'm writing this not just to be open, but because I think other people have insecurities like mine. Maybe its not that you are self conscious about how young you look, but there's something that bothers all of us. What we all need to see is that though our particular insecurity might be peculiar, we don't have to feel so isolated. There are two things in particular that God highlights about this subject: 1. He doesn't look down on you because you're young (or look younger than you are). 2. He's given us fellowship to help get over this. So, if your big thing is your nose, or your feet, or your pinkie, remember that you're not the only person who feels that way. Oh, and if you want to talk about it, I usually can be contacted. And yes, even though this "twelve year old" is heading off to college, I still really want to be in touch with all of my friends.